


Worth It

by mangochi



Category: Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Childhood Friends, Confessions, First Kiss, Fluff, M/M, Motels, Pining, Road Trips, Sharing a Bed, prompts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-14
Updated: 2014-08-21
Packaged: 2018-02-13 04:38:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,472
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2137257
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mangochi/pseuds/mangochi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The new kid next door is all of six years old and the biggest pain in the ass Leonard’s ever known.</p><p>"Play with him," his ma tells him reproachfully over breakfast. "The boy’s lonely."</p><p>"He’s six.”</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Done for a tumblr prompt and I ended up quite liking it.

The new kid next door is all of six years old and the biggest pain in the ass Leonard’s ever known.

"Play with him," his ma tells him reproachfully over breakfast. "The boy’s lonely."

"He’s _six_.”

She gives him a look and he sullenly finishes his cereal. He’s throwing baseballs behind the house later that afternoon, bouncing them off the wooden fence separating their yard from the neighbor’s, when one toss goes astray and soars over the fence instead.

Leonard stares at the fence in dismay and is about to stand and climb the thing when suddenly something flies over it. He raises his hand just in time and the baseball thuds into his glove.

He hears a quiet scuffle, then the top of a scruffy blond head appears over the top of the fence, followed by a scrawny arm and two bright blue eyes. “Hi,” says a voice, and Leonard sighs.

"All right, get over here."

Turns out Jim Kirk isn’t that bad after all, for a kid, and Leonard starts helping him out a time or two with his homework. It doesn’t take him long to find out he’s being taken for a ride and the kid just wants the company. Truth be told, Leonard’s pretty tired of being the only person in the neighborhood younger than thirty, and, well, the kid will grow up some day.

Meanwhile, they hang out after school, Leonard’s ma spoils Jim rotten, and Leonard’s the one who ends up biking him to the clinic after he falls out of a tree and breaks both arms. Jim starts calling him Bones from that day on.

……………………..

"You’re here way too often, Jimmy," Leonard says, eighteen years old and watching exasperatedly as Jim flops on his unmade bed. "Get a _life_.”

"Don’t need one," Jim says into his pillow, and sighs. "You know anything about girls, Bones?"

Leonard tries not to laugh and hides it behind a scowl. “What d’you need to know?”

"I dunno." Jim peeks at him with a surprisingly shrewd eye, for a kid his age. "They worth it?"

Leonard thinks about it for a second, then shrugs. “Depends.”

"Hmm." Jim’s quiet for a long moment after that, and they never finish that conversation.

……………………..

"Don’t go," Jim tells him, trying to keep his voice from wobbling, and Leonard takes a deep breath. Damn, this is harder than he thought it was going to be. "Please."

"I have to," he says, but he keeps his voice soft and he drops a hand on Jim’s head, ruffles his hair like he’s always done. This time, Jim squirms away and glares at him, eyes rimmed with red.

"Bones-"

"Look, we all knew this day was coming," Leonard says. He glances behind at him at his car, already loaded with his suitcases. "You’ll be going too, one day."

Jim stares at him for a second, then runs at him hard and Leonard finds himself with an armful of awkward limbs. “Come back, okay?” Jim asks, his voice muffled against Leonard’s chest, and he nods wordlessly, hugging the kid back hard.

"You bet."

Jim pushes away from him then and sniffs. “I’ll be bigger than you then.”

"Yeah, I doubt it." Leonard shifts his weight, then sighs and holds out his hand. "Well, it’s been a pleasure, Jim Kirk. Take care of yourself."

Jim shakes his hand, and Leonard’s surprised at the strength of his grip. Looks like the kid’s all grown up now, he thinks, and is unexpectedly depressed at the thought. “Later, Bones.”

As Leonard drives away, he keeps an eye on the lone figure in the rearview mirror, until he guns the gas and the gravel drive disappears in a cloud of dust.

……………………..

When he comes back to visit a year later, he hears that the Kirks have moved. Change of number, change of address, just packed up and left without a word.

"Shame," his ma sighs, peering out the kitchen window forlornly. "That Jim was a nice boy. I’ll miss him."

Leonard stares out at the faded wooden fence, at the cracked tree branch where Jim fell from that hasn’t quite healed over yet.

"Yeah."

……………………..

Medical school and residence treats him kindly and the next time Leonard comes home, he’s Dr. McCoy.

"Have you heard?" Old Man Clark at the gas station asks, his voice lowered conspiratorially. "He’s back."

"Who?" Leonard asks absently, handing over a fifty. "Keep the change."

"You’re all right," Clark says approvingly, making the bill disappear with an agility Leonard chooses not to question. "It’s that Kirk boy."

Leonard’s hand freezes on his car door. “Jim?”

"Yeah. Heard he’s staying at the motel."

Leonard gazes at his dusty windshield, drums his fingers on the roof of his car indecisively.

 _It’s been so damn long_.

"Thanks," he tells Clark, and gets in his car.

……………………..

He gets a name and a room number from the girl at the front desk and finds himself standing in front of 208, fidgeting with a sudden nervousness on the ratty door mat. This suddenly seems like a much better idea thirty minutes ago, and he doesn’t have the first clue as to what he’s going to say.

There’s no guarantee Jim’s the same kid, hell, he’s not the same person he was when he left the first time. For the better, he likes to think so, but probably also a little for the worse. Sometimes, he wishes he never left in the first place.

In the end, Jim makes the decision for him, just like he always has, and the door wrenches open before Leonard can get his thoughts together.

The man on the other side is tall, just barely topping Leonard’s height. His hair’s shorter, Leonard thinks dazedly. The skin of his bare torso is tanned, muscled, scarred in places he doesn’t remember. But those eyes, those goddamn blue eyes that have taken Leonard in since the first time he saw them….they’re exactly the same.

“ _Bones_ ,” Jim says incredulously, and it’s like that one summer’s day in Leonard’s backyard again, a baseball in his hand and a dirty kid hanging onto the top of the old wooden fence.

"Get over here," Leonard croaks, holding out an arm, and Jim throws himself against him with a delighted laugh. He’s big and warm and solid, nearly lifting Leonard off his feet in his enthusiasm.

"Bones, when did you get back? God, it’s been years-"

"Could say the same to you," Leonard gasps, once he’s let up for air. "Jesus, kid, look at you."

"Huh?" Jim looks down distractedly at himself, then shrugs, gesturing at Leonard. "Not too bad yourself, huh? Heard you’re a doctor now."

"Really. Who’ve you been talking to?" He follows Jim into the motel room. It’s not a bad place, only a few cracks in the walls and some water stains in the corners, but it’s clear that Jim hasn’t moved in. There’s an open duffel bag on one of the double beds, the floral covers still undisturbed.

"Your mom," Jim says casually as he crosses over the fridge. It gives Leonard a funny feeling to see him pull out two beers and knock the lids off, and he takes the drink with a nod.

"You keep in touch with my mother?"

"Sure. And Clark and Henry and Liz and-"

"But not me."

Jim pauses with his bottle halfway to his mouth, and he lowers it again with a sigh. “Aw, hell, Bones, you know why not.” His voice is deeper, gravelly at the edges, and Leonard feels another weird, inexplicable pang.

"Yeah? I don’t think I do." He takes a few long pulls of his beer to avoid Jim’s plaintive stare.

Jim’s still watching him when he lowers the bottle, chewing on his lower lip in concentration. “You don’t, huh?”

"That’s why I asked."

"Then it doesn’t matter," Jim says, and he grins as if nothing’s happened at all. "I’m here for the rest of the week. Wanna hang out?"

And just like that, Leonard’s swept along by his gravity again.

……………………..

"So you’ve been……what, just on the road?" Leonard asks disbelievingly. "All this time?"

"Tried school," Jim says dismissively. "Wasn’t my thing." He tips his head back against the bed of his truck and considers the stars. "I’ve seen some great places, Bones. Met some good people."

"I don’t doubt it." Leonard pushes his jacket further under his head and sighs, staring up at the night sky. Jim’s driven the two of them up on some remote mountain, claiming he knows the best stop, and it was all Leonard could do to demand to see his license and registration the entire time.

Jim rolls over onto his side, propping himself up on one elbow and looking down at Leonard. “What about you?” he asks softly, and Leonard looks at him. “Met any good people?”

"Some."

"Were they worth it?"

Something tugs at Leonard’s memory, one mirrored by his gut when he meets Jim’s intent gaze. God, he really has grown up, hasn’t it?

"Not in the long run," he hears himself say. "Sometimes, you don’t know a good thing til it’s gone, y’know?"

It’s too dark to see Jim’s expression, but he feels the kid shift closer until his warmth presses against Leonard’s side.

"Let’s camp out here tonight, yeah?"

Leonard thinks about cramps and exposure and insects. Then he thinks about the excitement in Jim’s voice, the closeness that they haven’t had since he was fourteen and napping with Jim on his living room rug.

"Yeah, sure."

He thinks he feels something brush against his forehead just as he’s drifting off, a soft touch that’s there and gone again, and he’s asleep before he can decide if it was a leaf or…..or someone else.

……………………..

They go fishing the next day, and Jim finds a motorbike in Old Man Clark’s shed that he insists still works. Leonard ends up clinging to the kid’s waist, his face pressed into his back and smelling leather and grease and sunlight as they tear down the empty freeway. Jim’s shouts echo into the blue skies, and Leonard wonders if this is what it feels like to fly.

"You’re crazy," he yells over the rushing wind, but he’s grinning and Jim just laughs back at him.

"You meet a girl in college?" Jim asks him abruptly that night. They’re in his room, Leonard lounging on the other bed and watching bad television.

"Hmm?"

"Anyone special?" Jim’s sitting against the headboard, hugging a pillow to his chest as he watches Leonard. He’s been doing that a lot lately, Leonard’s noticed, whenever he doesn’t think Leonard’s looking.

Leonard changes the channel. “There was one.” He pretends to not notice the way Jim’s fingers dig into his pillowcase, because that means he’ll have to think about things he doesn’t want to right now. “Joce. She was in my American History class.”

"How’d that turn out?" Jim’s tone sounds too casual to be just that, and Leonard hides a wry smile.

"Not well." He turns off the television and turns to look at Jim. "What about you? Anyone in your life right now?"

Jim’s eyes hold steady as he searches them. “Just one.”

Leonard doesn’t know what to say, and so he rolls back over on his stomach and stares at the television.

The next morning, Leonard wakes to the smell of bacon and Jim whistling in the tiny kitchen unit.

"What’s the plan today, kid?" he yawns, trying to dig himself out of the sagging mattress. Jim pokes his head around the corner and grins.

"You remember where we used to go cliff diving?"

……………………..

The water’s just as clear as he remembers it, the cliff even higher, if anything else.

"Come on," Jim coaxes, and Leonard shakes his head adamantly.

"Absolutely not. You’re going to get yourself killed."

"We did this all the time when we were kids, Bones. No big deal."

"When we were _kids_ , sure. But now-“

Jim’s jumping before he can finish and Leonard watches, heart in mouth, as he disappears into the pool below with a loud splash. Seconds later, Leonard sees his head emerging, whooping and flipping over onto his back to float lazily in the water.

"C’mon, Bones!" he hears the distant yell, and he sighs.

Turns out jumping is the easiest part, and he tries to fight the fall before it inevitably takes him down.

……………………..

"Where will you go, after this?"

"Arizona, maybe," Jim muses. "Always wanted to see the Canyon. And you? You here to stay for good?"

"For now, anyways. Who knows. Arizona….really?"

"Yeah. I’ve always liked warm places."

There’s a long silence, and Leonard feels a drop of sweat tickling down the back of his neck.

"So this is it, huh?" Leonard finally says, when it becomes too much.

They’re standing at the bus stop at the edge of town, sheltering from the blistering sunlight in the meager spot of shade. Jim’s got his duffel on his shoulder, a baseball cap dangling from the strap and wearing the worst expression on his face.

"Aw, don’t look like that." Leonard puts a hand on Jim’s shoulder, giving it a squeeze. "It’s not we won’t ever see each other again, kid."

"Bones," Jim says miserably, and he looks like he’s going to continue, but then stops himself.

"You’ll be fine," Leonard continues with a little too much false cheer, trying to convince himself as much as anyone else. "Remember to call once in a while, huh? Stay in touch."

"Bones," Jim says again, then grabs his hand, and suddenly the world spirals down to this point in time. The universe stops spinning, the heat of the sunlight fades away, and Leonard forgets to breathe. "Come with me."

Leonard opens his mouth, closes it again, and somehow this is the same thing all over again, from all those years ago, when Jim clutched onto his shirt and told him to not go, except this time……. this time it’s the opposite.

"I can’t," he says, and Jim squeezes his hand tighter.

"Bones," he says seriously, and then he’s stepping closer and Leonard doesn’t know what to do. He looks down at their hands and returns the grip to keep himself from shaking. "Please. Come with me."

"You don’t need me anymore," Leonard says, as much as it hurts him to say it. "Look at you, Jim. You never have."

Jim sighs and Leonard’s stomach drops and he thinks that’ll be the end of it. Then, “Bones, I’ve always needed you.”

He looks up at that, startled, and Jim kisses him. It surprises Leonard, though he doesn’t think it should have, and for a second, all he does is lean into it. Then Jim’s hand slides around his waist, his lips parting and a hot tongue flicking at Leonard’s lips, and he groans a little bit before he can stop himself.

"Bones," Jim breathes, his eyes wide open and his voice breaking. "Shit, I….."

He can hear the bus rattling up the bumpy road, hear the cicadas in the summer trees. Leonard closes his eyes and rests his forehead against Jim’s, feeling his warmth, his breath, his heart.

"It’s time," he says out loud, and catches Jim’s hand before he can pull away. "Jim."

The bus stops behind him, belching out a dark cloud, and the doors creak open. Jim stares at him hopefully, wondering, and Leonard hesitates before giving his hand a squeeze and letting it go. The world hangs on a thread, teetering on the edge between a single moment and the next.

"Catch the next bus," he says, and Jim opens his mouth. Leonard shakes his head to silence him and smiles ruefully. "I’ll need to grab my bags."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok, I had to do a part 2 because these two are idiots.

The bus ride is bumpy and hot, and only a few of the windows open more than a couple of inches. Jim falls asleep on Leonard’s shoulder after twenty minutes and Leonard tries to hold as still as he can, despite the potholes that send his ass flying four inches off the seat.

There’s a couple sitting across the aisle and one row up from them, young and giggling and stupidly drunk on what Leonard presumes to be the honeymoon high. He watches them for the first couple of miles, then glances down at the heavy head sliding slowly down his arm. He adjusts his weight, turns a little sideways so that Jim’s head rests better against his chest, and he doesn’t look at the couple again.

They stop at a rest area a couple of hours later and Leonard nudges Jim awake.

"Urghhh……we there?" Jim asks hopefully, blinking blearily, and Leonard absently reaches out to fix his mussed hair.

"Not even close, kid. C’mon, I need to get some air."

They stretch their legs out on a patch of green grass, strolling aimlessly around the borders of the parking lot. Leonard watches Jim more than where he’s stepping, watches the way the sunlight catches his hair, his eyes, the glisten of teeth and a flash of pink tongue when he yawns drowsily.

"All this time," he says, and Jim glances at him in a way that tells Leonard he needs no further confirmation. "How long?"

"Since that ball landed in my backyard and I climbed that damn fence," Jim says, then grins at him. "I knew for sure when you left for college." He sidles a little closer to Leonard’s side, their arms bumping together as they walk. "Wasn’t sure if I’d ever get a chance to say it."

Leonard doesn’t know what to say to that, and if their fingers catch and tangle a couple of times before they return to the bus, two can keep a secret.

"So. Arizona. You know anyone there?"

They’re standing at the bus station outside a small town at the border of Nevada, watching the bus disappear into the fading sunset.

"Nope." Jim readjusts his duffel strap and picks up Leonard’s bag for him. "Just you and me."

Leonard thinks there’s something wrong with him for being so nonchalant about the entire thing, then wonders if he should be more worked up about his himself. Maybe there’s something wrong with the both of them.

He takes his bag back from Jim and they go off to find a motel.

Christie at the front desk is more than happy to find them accommodations after Jim leans against the counter and offers a blinding smile, and Leonard sorts halfheartedly through the travel brochures while the transaction plays out, feeling irked and not really knowing why.

"We’re splitting the bill," he reminds Jim as they head to their room. "Right?"

"Look, Bones, a minibar!" Jim exclaims by way of distraction, and Leonard decides to let it go until the morning.

There’s only one king-sized bed in the room and, after wondering what the hell Jim said to Christie, he decides to not worry about either. It’s quickly becoming a theme he recognizes when it comes to Jim.

"Want dinner?" Jim asks, already perusing a stack of takeout menus he must have snagged from the lobby. "We’ve got pizza, sandwiches, ooh, _French_ -“

"Pizza’s fine," Leonard says, even though he’s not hungry. He sets his bag on the bed and then sits down beside it with a weary sigh. Jim glances up at him, his phone already balanced between his ear and shoulder.

"Tired?"

"You got a nap," Leonard points out, falling backwards onto the suspiciously stained bed cover and gazing blankly at the ceiling. "I didn’t."

"I’ll wake you," he thinks he hears Jim say before he drifts off.

Jim doesn’t wake him.

It takes Leonard several long moments to realize this, as well as several other things. The lights are off, the room silent other than the clanking roar of the air conditioning unit and the occasional rush of traffic from outside the window. His shoes are off, his shirt unbuttoned, and-

Leonard blinks very rapidly when he realizes he’s missing his pants.

There’s a quiet murmur from beside him and he turns his head to find Jim’s face inches from his own, half of it burrowed beneath the sheets and his body curved towards Leonard’s like a question mark.

Jim mumbles again, shifting closer to Leonard’s body heat. Leonard sighs and rolls onto his side to face him, instinct taking over his better judgment.

They used to sleep together like this, on the nights when Jim’s mom was out of town and it got bad enough at home for him to climb through Leonard’s bedroom window and squeeze into his bed. His ma would always make pancakes in the morning and by the end of Leonard’s sophomore year in high school, they started keeping an extra cot in the closet. Not that Jim would use it, nine times out of ten.

They’re quite a bit larger now, the both of them, but Leonard wraps an arm around Jim’s waist and the kid curls up close against him, and it’s like time never passed.

Jim must have taken a shower- he smells like soap and clean laundry, his hair light and soft against Leonard’s face, and Leonard can feel the heat of his skin through his thin shirt. His ribs rise and fall gently with each breath, shifting Leonard’s arm, and Leonard’s suddenly more awake than ever.

He doesn’t know why he’s here, he realizes, his face buried against the top of Jim’s head and Jim’s fingers tangled in the hem of his shirt. He’s left everything before, said barely two words to his family before hopping on a bus to God-knows-where- _Arizona_ , of all places.

And Jim kissed him.

His face burns at the thought, and he clears his throat. Jim stirs in his sleep, pressing closer with a sigh. His forehead bumps against the bottom of Leonard’s jaw, his lips ghosting a breath across Leonard’s collarbone, and the night suddenly seems very, very long.

……………………..

He wakes up enveloped in warmth, a heavy weight pinning him down on his side, and for a second, Leonard has absolutely no idea where he is.

He must have made a sound, because Jim hums sleepily against the back of his neck, squeezing Leonard’s waist tighter and hitching his knee up between Leonard’s legs.

He’s the goddamn little spoon, Leonard realizes with a start, and the thought gives him all sorts of feelings that he’s not ready to tackle without two cups of coffee.

"Morning," Jim slurs. "Whazzutime?"

Leonard flails out with one arm, the movement made difficult by Jim’s octopus act, and he manages to whack the complimentary alarm clock towards him. “Six.”

"Ten more," Jim manages, and Leonard _feels_ when he falls back asleep, his chest pressed up against Leonard’s back.

 _When did he get so_ big _?_ Leonard thinks exasperatedly, but he reaches down and covers Jim’s hand with his own where it’s settled against his stomach. Well, ten more minutes won’t kill him.

……………………..

It’s funny, Leonard thinks, how they can go all day without dealing with this…..this thing between them, and yet he feels like they’ve been talking about it this whole time.

Whole conversations are exchanged in the way Jim’s shoulder brushes against him on the way to the bathroom, the way he meets Leonard’s eyes in the mirror when passing the toothpaste. Entire speeches, whole monologues are said in small, casual touches, ones Leonard wouldn’t think twice about if not for the other person in question.

But it’s Jim, and so he thinks about them twice as hard, and every spot on his body grows warm at the thought of each and every one of those little encounters.

"There’s a bus in thirty minutes," Jim tells him, when he emerges from the bathroom. He’s dressed and packed, alternating between studying a bus schedule and a local map. ""You hungry?"

"Yeah," Leonard admits, his stomach gurgling, and Jim points him to the fridge. It turns out microwaved pizza serves as breakfast just fine, and Leonard’s still chewing when they lug their bags out to the lobby.

It’s a different girl working the counter now, and Leonard glances at her as Jim passes without stopping. “Aren’t we paying?”

"Covered it last night." Jim shoulders the door open and gestures for Leonard to go through.

"I thought we were splitting."

"My treat."

“ _Jim_ ,” Leonard says, because he’s the older one here, he’s the one with a job and his life together and Jim…….

He meets Jim’s eyes and all of that falls away.

"I got it, Bones," Jim says with a small smile, one Leonard wouldn’t have noticed if he wasn’t looking for it.

He sighs, picks up his bag, and follows Jim out the door. It seems like somewhere along the line, their roles have reversed. He’s struck briefly with a pang at the memory of Jim tripping eagerly behind him, hair flopping over his eyes and the soles of his sneakers slapping against the pavement.

But then Jim turns back towards him, holds out a hand like they’ve been doing this every day of his life, and Leonard begins to think that maybe it isn’t so bad after all.

Jim’s hand is warm, the calluses on his palm slowly becoming familiar to Leonard, and his grip is strong as they walk towards the bus stop.

It’s a cool, dry morning, wisps of fog still clinging to the grass. They stop beneath the roof of the bus stop, where Leonard can see the rosy glow of dawn giving way to pale blue over the treetops.

"Another day on the road, huh?" Leonard asks, rolling his shoulders in resigned anticipation. 

"Saddle sore already?" Jim smirks, and Leonard scoffs, knocking him on the shoulder without thinking. This earns him some jostling in retaliation, and he falls into the mindless horseplay with something akin to relief.

This doesn’t have to change, he reminds himself. He’s still the kid’s best friend and Jim’s a bigger part of his life than he’d ever realized. 

Then Jim catches his wrists in both hands, stepping in close, and Leonard feels like the ground’s dropped from beneath him.

"Bones," Jim whispers, looking stricken, and Leonard sees their second kiss coming at one frame per second, Jim’s eyelashes dusting his cheekbones as he exhaled nervously. The last three seconds come all at once, and he parts his lips against Jim’s, letting himself be filled in a way he didn’t think would be possible until now.

Jim grasps at his shoulders, his back, dragging him closer and deepening the kiss, and Leonard goes with him.

He doesn’t know why he’s here, Leonard remembers, or where he’s going, or where he’ll stop.

"I think I love you." Jim breathes the words into Leonard’s mouth, his eyes as blue and open as the eggshell sky.

He doesn’t know where he’s going, but it’s all right, because he knows who he’s with and that’s all that’ll ever matter.


	3. Chapter 3

It’s a peculiar thing to fall back into someone else’s life, after eight years apart and one week in this…….well, Leonard’s not sure if he can call it a relationship, but it’s the closest word he’s got.

 _"I think I love you_ ,” Jim told him that foggy morning in Nevada, and Leonard hasn’t been sleeping well since. Especially since Jim’s taken to arranging rooms with one bed half the time and finding his way into Leonard’s during the others.

Leonard lies there in the dark night after night, Jim’s warm body breathing slowly and peacefully inches away, and he can never muster up the courage to roll closer, to reach across the scant space between them that might as well be the rift between two worlds and feel Jim’s skin against his. Inevitably, he does fall asleep and wakes up in the morning with Jim twined tight around him, but that never seems like a choice he has to make and so it’s safe in a way that he knows is cowardly.

Sometimes he looks at Jim in the pale light of dawn and sees the kid Leonard knew him as once. The little boy that would shadow his every step and look at him with those big round eyes and call him “Bones” with the slightest lisp. The kid that’d pick himself up right after he falls and never shed a tear.

But then Jim rolls over onto his stomach, the sunlight hitting his face just right so that it highlights his cheekbones and curves along his shoulder and the dip between his shoulder blades, his sleepy sigh deep within his chest, and Leonard feels a tug in his gut in response.

It’s not the same as before, he thinks. It won’t ever be like that again. But it’s not completely different, either, and he thinks he can live with that.

 _What the hell is love, anyway?_ he asks himself as he watches Jim nod off against the bus window once more. For someone who sleeps so well at night, Jim still manages to pass out whenever they get on a moving vehicle. _Who says it can’t be this simple?_

They reach Arizona on the fourth day and Leonard realizes Jim seems to be meandering more than usual, going deliberately out of his way to zigzag his way towards the Canyon instead of heading in a straight line. He doesn’t comment on this, though, thinking that Jim has a vague point in all of this, until Jim suggests that they double back to Vegas before looping back to the Canyon.

"What’s wrong?" Leonard finally asks, swiping away the map Jim’s pretending to peruse and shoving it beneath his arm. "You’re being awful shifty."

"Am not." Jim reaches for the map and Leonard catches his hand without thinking. Jim starts a little, his eyes flicking from his trapped fingers to Leonard’s face before he sags back against the motel room wall and sighs. "It’s stupid."

"I’m sure it is," Leonard snorts. "You know this isn’t over once we get there, right?" He gestures between them in an effort to indicate _this_ , whatever….whatever it is. “This ain’t the end of the line.”

"Kind of feels like it is," Jim mumbles, staring at his feet now. Leonard looks at the top of his head, feeling like an idiot. Jim’s hand is slightly warmer than his, growing hotter by the second the longer he holds on. "You never said it back."

"What?" Leonard asks, feeling like he’s tripped down the steps and missed one.

"You know." Jim glances up at him briefly, a flash of blue before he lowers his eyes again. "C’mon, Bones, don’t be mean."

"I’m not," Leonard answers, slightly indignant. "Don’t know what the hell you’re talking about, is all."

Jim looks up at him again, his eyebrows furrowed and a mulish expression on his face. “Fine,” he says shortly, and then his hand tightens on Leonard’s, his other hand reaching up to slide around the back of Leonard’s neck.

"Fine," he says again, quieter this time, and despite his burst of irritation, the kiss he presses to the corner of Leonard’s mouth is gentle and tentative.

Neither of them have been particularly diligent in shaving since the trip started, and Leonard twitches a little at the scrape of stubble against his own. Jim makes a small noise in response, stepping closer until their chests are touching, and his tongue slides against Leonard’s questioningly.

It’s an unformed, clumsy kiss, Jim putting more enthusiasm into it than technique, and Leonard gives it a second before grunting softly in impatience and taking over, winding his free hand in the neckline of Jim’s t-shirt so that he can drag him forward and down and slant their mouths together properly.

Jim huffs against him, a little surprised puff of air, before he grabs the sides of Leonard’s face and kisses him back, matching him breath for breath until both of them are panting.

"I love you," Jim says, and Leonard’s breath hitches. His heart’s hammering unsteadily in his chest, and he doesn’t really think it’s all due to oxygen deprivation. "Bones, I love you." He says it quickly, like ripping off a Band-Aid, his face flushing red before he even gets all the words out.

Jim’s hands are shaking, Leonard realizes, and he reaches up to cover them with his own, pressing Jim’s palms against his own skin and reveling in the warmth.

Jim burns with his own sun, and Leonard could burn right with him if he wants. 

 _To hell with it_ , he decides, and he falls.

"I love you, Jim Kirk," he murmurs, resting his forehead against Jim’s, and blue eyes blink at him, dazed and shocked.

"You-"

"Don’t think too hard," Leonard advises. "It didn’t work out so well for me."

He chases the laughter from Jim’s lips, and muses that Icarus had the right idea all along.


End file.
